collecting the mind

I raise the sensual tea to my lips
Ready for the scent to blossom
Upon the first sip
And within those seconds
I dissect and destroy
Contemplating, I employ
My doubts
Upon all the pieces of my life
That just don’t fit

Why am I lying next to this girl?
Does she lie within my destiny?
If destiny inherently includes the rest of me,
Then won’t she want to be
A part of my future
That I can see
Limitlessly as an outline
Sketched upon the distant horizon?
Where the faceless sunset meets the mirror of water
Dispersing the ember orange beams farther
Shades of distinction continuously growing larger
Like the dreams of my mind
Dreams as a memory
Rather than a sign
Rather than a future, or a carefully proposed design
The harder I look the more I drift
Away from clarity, and the less the answer comes out clearly
The smooth reflection of the water, now troubled
Ripples, gripping their own future
Following the ones in front
Like soldiers marching in line
Moving too unanimously to see and find
Truth within the visions they exist to be,
I’m unable to run with them
So I irresponsibly send them
On a travel to another person’s destiny
Perhaps, I might just be looking too hard to disagree with
The pieces of my life
That just don’t fit.

The tea travels closer to my lips
As my worries pour down like a waterfall
From my brain, to my heart, to my stomach
Forced to crawl
What am I going to do with my life? After all,
I don’t even know what I believe in
How does one make the fatal judgment call?
Religion, faith, belief
Synonymous in intent
To make misery dissipate
Yet keeps me uncomfortable in the pitch black
Abusing my happiness
Tired and awake
What will center me, but a universal truth?
One that I search for, but is continuously aloof
Like footprints in quicksand, sinking
From the grasp of my reaches, or perhaps
The creatures that roam around my being, leeches
They are not alive, but only water to a plant’s thorn
Ready to scorn at the nearest break in the reality
That I have settled my actuality upon
If shattered, without truth or vitality
My happiness falls through
The light grows dimmer
Now awake in the darkness
Looking again for something new
A root base to my disgrace
In search for contentment in existence
With still so much to learn about my disposition
So much I’ve yet to experience
Places to live in and people to be with
How do I distinguish
The pieces of my life
That just don’t fit

The teacup almost touching my lips
Recycled thoughts emerging
With recycled attempts at aligning
My blind mind with their design
No time for concerning what is before my eyes
Reality only considered being a disaster
Veiled by a very real disguise
Did I just push them away?
Who here is the prey?
Allowing a being to connect into my world
With ease, sensation, and a newly centered soul
The slightest break in bond visualized
As an ability to create a new hole
In the foundation of my life
That was once full
To dismiss a loved one
With a misconceived intention
Convincing myself, that I am only tightening my perception
Of happiness through protection
Irony settles in, an honest detection
Of my inability to see the light
That shines not out of me, but into me
From the reality
Of the people in front of me
Surrounded by 360 degrees
Of a sincere vision, radiant
Yet, I only bask briefly in the brilliance
Just a momentary breeze, I am resilient
Blowing away

The pieces of my life
That just don’t fit

But this is where I no longer sit
I’ve decided to quit,
But not life, no
I quit the game
The cup has turned and the tea flows
This piece of the puzzle I hold, I will not throw
The taste enlivens my senses, disregards set emotional pretenses
Because I will not be all alone that day
Up until the final breathe
That emits upon my final stay
As the warmth disperses through my body, revelation!
Life’s puzzle is a lie within its own implication!
No concrete future or master plan
With cutout divisions
Where puzzle pieces will land
I have to question
Not what will be
But the mystery of what was
The reality that lies before me
Because the present relies on the past
And the future on what’s now
The only way to achieve happiness
Beyond mere moments in time
Is to accent what’s endowed
In the heart and not the mind
In the soul and not desire
It is not a matter of what’s acquired
Realizing this truth
I become whole and taken higher

I put the cup down in awe
As I delve back into my root
Balanced on this seesaw
Between joy and eternity
I close my eyes
Collect my mind
And begin to truly see
For the last time